Two Eyes and a Heartbeat
by brookesdavis
Summary: "You terrify me, you know that?" She murmured, trying to decipher the colour of his eyes. They were all shades under the red dusk glow. And she was in love. Jay flashed a ghost of a smile. "Why?" "Because right now, with you looking at me like that... I feel like I could tell you everything."


**Hey guys, long time no... Speak? I just want to first apologise for this time absence and temporary abandonment of 'From A to Z'; I will try and get back on board as quickly as I can. With some personal business and a lot of school work, it's hard to find time, but rest assured I'll do my best.**

**Now I just want do a quick shout out to belle.0416 [gurl, you rock!] for a completely inspiring message, and to everyone who has reviewed anything I've written. It's truly something that makes me smile and makes my day.**

**Anyway back to this. It's a pretty concise oneshot - I just wanted to write something meaningful between the canon couple. It's somewhat AU considering they're still together in this, and although I originally intended it to be an ending to 2x18 [if Erin and Jay were still together], now that I've re-read it I guess it's not that specific to the episode. Regardless, I hope you enjoy!**

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They were on her couch, her favourite place to be. And her legs were spread across his, her favourite place to be. And her fingertips were dancing along his jaw and down his chin, her favourite place to be.

The sun was setting through her blinds. The television was playing low and soft, but Erin wasn't paying attention anyway. Her eyes were on Jay's face, tracing the lines and curves of his face.

There was a cut across the hollow of his cheek, and in the red dusk glow she could see the premature bruising of the skin around his right eye. And while his eyes flickered tiredly to the movements of the television, all Erin could think of was how unfamiliar the feeling in her chest was.

It was a feeling of safety and warmth, the idea that she could spend the rest of eternity laying on that couch, his fingers drawing lazy circles across her thigh and her's sliding across his stubble like he was her's forever. It was a feeling of home.

"You were careful tonight, right?" Erin finally mumbled, her fingertips dropping to the curve of his neck.

Jay turned his head at her words, his eyes finding hers and his grin forming before he spoke.

"You were worried about me?"

She rolled her eyes and averted her gaze, all the while attempting to keep her i'm-falling-for-you smile under wraps.

"I'm always worried when you and Voight are in the same vicinity with guns in your hands." She only half-joked. It was a stress ridden day - or rather, it always was whenever Jay and Hank bumped heads on something. A part of her was still cracked as she thought back to the two of them pushing back at one another; Erin being squashed between their egos. But she couldn't process it into words; how could she explain the difficulty it was to choose between the man who saved her and the man who continued to save her?

Jay let out a breathy laugh and she was mesmerised by the slope of his chin. She knitted her brow as her free hand found Jay's, entangling their fingers across her thighs. His touch was gentle and consoling. It gave her courage.

"Look, it's..." She cleared the rasp in her throat, all the while looking down at their hands, afraid she'd crumble with her eyes looking into his. "It's been a long time since I've had someone to lose..."

Her hand moved from his neck to cheek, warm and cosy. He turned his head into her palm and placed a soft kiss into her skin.

"It's a good job I'm not going anywhere, then." He mumbled.

Erin exhaled, wanting to believe him. But she'd heard that promise before, with just as much conviction as Jay was using. And she could still feel the pain deep inside of her when that pledge was broken. People leave, that's all she'd known.

"I've heard that before, Jay..."

"Hey." His words were no longer masked in a tired, languid glow. He was sharp and direct, forcing her to look at him. There was a hurricane in his eyes and honesty in his touch. "I'm exactly where I need to be."

His fingers held hers, and she could feel his warm melting places she resolved would be cold forever. But he always seemed to do that; take the parts of her she'd assumed had decayed and bring her back to life.

"I meant what I said before." He spoke again after the silence, the gruff of his voice slicing through the air. "Whatever you've got... I can handle it." He was smiling now, looking at her like she had the secrets of the universe. Like she was unearthly. Like she was everything.

With a sad sigh, Erin let her fingers dance again on his neck. The fluttered round the back and stroked at the hairs at his nape. She could feel goosebumps form along his skin and smiled softly to herself.

"You terrify me, you know that?" She murmured, trying to decipher the colour of his eyes. They were all shades under the red dusk glow. And she was in love.

Jay flashed a ghost of a smile. "Why?"

"Because right now, with you looking at me like that... I feel like I could tell you everything."

And she meant 'everything'. She meant the first memory of her mother's initial OD. Of stealing cigarettes from the corner shop, running so fast her feet felt like they were going to fall off. Of the colour of her bedroom walls, the cracked purple paint and drip marks in the corners. Of feigning sleep when her father came home drunk, desperate to avoid his rage. Of watching his arrest, the police officers pushing him against the drywall, his face contorted in anger and pain. Of building snowmen in the winter with Teddy. Of stealing the neighbour's bike because she didn't have her own. Of giving it back because the guilt finally overcame her. Of turning fourteen when she'd learned to evade the guilt and moved onto bigger things. Whiter things. The line of cocaine. The boy in the plaid telling her to try it. The feeling of disgust and emptiness when she did. Of finding Voight, or more accurately, of Voight finding her.

"Why don't you? Tell me everything."

But even thinking about such things made her tired, so she flashed him an honest smile and took a deep breath. "Maybe tomorrow."

He gave her a smile that said 'okay', and it really was. Because maybe she'd tell him about finding Bunny unconscious on the kitchen floor, dread and, although it was hard to admit, relief flooding her veins. Or maybe she'd tell him about the scar on her ribcage, a centimetre long and barely deep from when she fell over when she was six. It didn't matter though, because either way she'd resolved to let him in. And that was enough.

Jay's heavy eyes blinked and Erin could see something behind them.

"What?" She urged softly.

She watched his jaw clench and his brow furrow for a second. The air was heavy between them.

"I... I put you in danger today. Ruzek and Atwater, too. It was stupid, it was irrational. I'm sorry."

She responded instantly. "Hey, we're in this together. We're a team." She could see the slightly exhalation of relief leave his lips. "I'm your backup, remember?"

Jay let out a soft laugh, and before could utter another word, Erin rearranged her position to a more desired one.

She straddled his waist and laced her hands at either side of his head. She ran the tips of her fingers through his hair and let out a contented sigh at how he felt in her fingertips. She wanted to touch him forever.

"This is really where you need to be, huh?" She whispered, barely audibly. A part of her was still waiting for this to crumble in front of her.

He leaned forward wordlessly, nuzzling his nose against her in the softest manner, a nod-like fashion. His large palms were flat against the curves of her waist. Erin shivered involuntarily. He always knew what to do with his hands.

"I'd take a bullet to be here." He returned, whispering through the darkness. The dipping sun was seeping through the blinds, highlighting a magenta line across his face.

"Where?" Erin responded, mischief on the tip of her tongue.

He was biting back a grin, she could tell. She wanted to steal that grin in a kiss, but his lips found her neck first, and she wasn't about to stop him. Her breathing was already starting to quicken and he'd barely touched her yet.

After a few seconds, his lips trailed to her shoulder, pushing the material of her shirt to the side to provide better access.

"Shoulder," He mumbled against her skin, eliciting numerous goosebumps. She then felt his right hand meet her leg, sliding further up. "Fleshy. Part. Of. The..."

His hands did the work; even the touch of his skin over her jeans, a firm grasp on her thigh was enough to draw out a moan from her lips. And that was all he needed.

Jay lifted their bodies from the couch, and Erin clung to him with everything she had. With legs around his waist and her fingers knotted in his hair, Erin had never felt closer to anyone. And with chaste kisses and unspoken 'I love you's with every movement of their lips, she'd found her favourite place to be. She'd found a home.

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**So there it is! It's not much but just something I wanted to put out there. Please take a second and tell me what you thought:)**


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